tone.

I've recently been noticing the huge effect tone of voice has.

sometimes you can sense someones tone when you talk to them online, but generally it takes knowing that person pretty well to really understand what tone they would be taking on...and a lot of the time you might apply your own tone to words that are communicated in written form...(that sounds dangerous)

anyway...I strayed a little :)

I wanted to talk about real audible tone of voice. I come in contact with a lot of different people in my day to day life...from little kids to teenagers, parents, coworkers, and all ages far and wide. (you just never know what you'll run into at the Salvation Army) I also deal with a lot of backgrounds. Some of my little kids have big anger issues, some of my coworkers have major entitlement and pride issues, and some of the parents just haven't got a clue. etc. etc.

Today Jay came to pick me up from work...it was dark already (welcome to 5:30pm in the winters of Iowa) and Trevor had gone to lock the door as the kids went down to dinner. Jay was walking up the sidewalk and Trevor couldn't see his face so he opened the door and called out asking if he was here for someone. I'm sure his tone was nothing unusual for himself...but to Jay he sounded angry and snappy. (some people just naturally have that tone...and a lot of people probably don't think about this topic much at all, let alone apply any thought of it to the way they speak) I was talking to Jay about that and it just makes me think about how I would respond to that tone being in the different states that I mentioned before...
I think this explains a lot of why the kids don't respond well to about half of our staff...it's really unfortunate.

Anyway as Jay and I were about to go out the door we saw a few quick flashes in the hallway...kids were running from the dining hall to the gym...(and dinner had just started) so I went to see what was happening...(followed by Trevor)

One of our little guys Ja'Quis had gotten into it with a little girl up in the kids cafe and got in trouble with his older cousin Ebony...he ran...she chased him...another couple kids followed after.
When I came into the gym Ebony was holding Ja'Quis by the Arm and he was struggling to free himself. Trevor said nothing but expected Ebony to just bring Ja'Quis into the family center where he would call his ride and send him on his way...
Now...I don't know how many of you are familiar with small man syndrome...but Ja'Quis definitely has it. He's small, people push him around and he has to do what they want because he can't really do anything else...but...he can fight. So he does.
However...I know that when I want to deal with Ja'Quis' behavior I can talk to him like a human being and he will calm down and listen. He likes to be treated like he's not a baby. And when you approach him with a kind tone, even when he's misbehaving, he will pause and listen to what you say, and even be willing to do things you ask of him (like "hey, why don't you come sit over here for a few minutes and calm down") even though he doesn't really want to.
So I told Ebony to let him go, and that he would walk on his own. I put my hand on his shoulder and he walked next to me and stopped his struggle. Back in the family center we had Ja'Quis talk on the phone to his mom about why he needed to come home for the night and I stood by him and rubbed his back to assure that I was still there for him and he kept his cool (he usually yells and hangs up the phone and just walks home on his own.)
When he got off the phone I thanked him for doing so well and he cried a little. He actually felt bad for his previous behavior! (people, this is a miracle at the Family Center!!!)

it amazes me...

I told him that we still love him and I was looking forward to seeing him tomorrow, then Jay and I left...

Now that I'm thinking about it...I hope I won't just set it aside like it doesn't matter...